The Pimps of Unemployment
A Dickens Job Search Tale
The American hiring system pulsates on a symbiotic parasite/host relationship between companies and recruiters who feast upon supersized portions of rejected resume carcasses that broke fictitious rules about justifying left, preferred fonts, keywords, and the nuanced use of bold type.
I’m searching for the next great opportunity — the next great role.
Sounds sort of simple, right? I want to work. I have excellent credentials. I have 25+ years of experience. I am not “experiencing unemployment.” I am a contract worker in big tech.
True, I was not working in America for quite some time. In 2020, I said goodbye to expat life and I repatriated cautiously optimistic and ready to re-engage the American lifestyle and job market. And yet, like so many of my fellow Americans, I find my search for the “the one true job” elusive.
The current state of thing compels me to humbly and objectively assess my own strengths and weaknesses. I’ve engaged professionals and welcomed their tough-love as they expose the bits of me that are perhaps in need of refinement for the American job market.
I’ve invested (because that sounds more meaningful) a few thousand dollars working with “expert” resume writers, paying for resume algorithm scanning services (#Jobscan), wholly rebuilding my website (rcpmg.com — shameless plug), subscribing to job boards, watched perhaps way too many YouTube interview coaching sequences, and embraced other “necessary” systems and services all to create the ultimate presentation of my skills.
Market-leading Creative, Operational, and Financial innovator shaping storytelling and delivering a robust content slate with iconic brands applying creative and commercial thinking. Global production intelligence expert differentiating and adapting strategies focused on ideation across all surfaces — in any market. Client-facing, strategic, creative manager, and intermediary delivering objective advice and optimizing 360 content.
After weeks of collaboration, soul searching, coaching, and liberal use of wordhippo.com, I am told that those 3 sentences adequately reflect all of my unique experience and the requisite algorithm-proof words and phrases that are absolutely essential to landing my dream role. I guess it doesn’t matter that it sounds like a fair bit of waffle.
#wafflesareforbreakfast
I redesigned my CV using one of the ten “acceptable fonts.”
I mastered #LinkedIn classes to learn how to best “optimize the platform.”
I “justified right” to please a recruiter only to be told to “center headlines” by another as if it was a make or break decision.
Headline: Justify left or center — my entire career hangs in the balance.
And yet, despite all of my efforts and the very “essential” and significant investments, “recruiters” call me to ask if I have any “I.T.” experience or to offer me an entry-level position.
Let the record reflect — I DO NOT HAVE ANY I.T. EXPERIENCE. (Justify Left)
Let the record reflect — I DO NOT HAVE ANY I.T. EXPERIENCE. (Center/Bold)
The employment visionaries have my CV across 20+ sites. They also have access to my #LinkedIn profile. There is no absence of career information. My expertise is not a tightly controlled secret. And yet, if I could afford a billboard right now, I’d shout to the world:
I am searching for the next big venture — the role that will define me and that celebrates ALL of my experience and the knowledge, nuance and skill that is the result.
I have a mind.
I worked in America — and overseas — and that’s a good thing.
(*I do not work in I.T.*)
I’m ready — give in touch.
The entire process is starting to feel like I’m living in a life straight out of Dickens who would have written a screenplay that reads,
Open on a wide, tracking shot of the dimly lit, smokey Great Hall, the haze of a million scorched resumes permeates the room.
Recruiters and Hiring Managers sit at the head table exchanging whispers and cackling as they clap their hands and watch the invisible, but somehow lethal, algorithms reject thousands of resumes per minute.
Our hero, Rebecca, wearing one of her “market” finds purchased while creating content in a VERY relevant part of Africa, is weary. Her mind is troubled. She has endured the unceasing self-flagellation of job search ecosystems. Rebecca’s skin is cold having been ritually baptized in the chilly waters of professional rejection for months.
And yet, somehow, #shepersists.
Rebecca works hard to “repatriate” and “become relevant” and slowly gains ground and inches closer to the head table. She keeps her eyes downcast. Her body trembles from the trauma of the American hiring process, endless recruiter queries for IT and entry-level jobs, and first interviews into oblivion.
She finally stands, weary but determined, before the head table, her 100WPM seasoned hands, excellent communication skills, strong leadership, and attention to detail help her clutch her well-crafted, expensive CV, and she seeks an audience.
“Excuse me, please, may I please have a third interview?” she pleads in tones slightly above a whisper.
The powers that be stop their candidate rejection feast long enough to peer down their noses and take a long, hard look at her resume. Silence fills the Great Hall. One of the “Senior Managers and Grand Purveyor of Opportunity” (just out of university and on the job for 3 years) stares straight through Rebecca’s tattered soul and asks:
“We need someone who can work under stress — who is a team player. Are you a C-suite communicator? Can you schedule Zoom calls?”
Rebecca looks down at her CV and wonders if the myriad high profile global clients, projects, and entrepreneurship in some of the world’s most complicated markets just doesn’t translate. She wonders if anyone at the head table has ever left the county — the state — or the country. Perhaps she needs a PPT slideshow in lieu of a CV.
#globalexperienceisGOOD
The Pimps of Opportunity.
Today’s Employment Flesh Peddlers are an unusual bunch. Far too busy to really acquaint themselves with my experience (and achievements), they protect their corpulent “expertise”, well nurtured by several servings of W2's and benefits packages, forgetting that everyone’s journey is different and we all face uncertainty, change, and upheaval during our lives. In today’s hiring market, recruiters are engorged after feasting at the Great Shame Banquet fed by #thegreatresignation expanding their stomachs as they devour the jobless plebes who falter off the cliff when asked inane questions like, “Kenya — is that South Africa?”
#passthetoothpicks
I’ve invested nearly 30 years of my life in the advertising/film/TV content industry. (Their pronouns constantly shifting.) It has not been easy. I worked for years without a real vacation, slogged through endless 70–100 work weeks, and survived the requisite sexual harassment and misogyny that still winds itself around the legs of the industry every day in every part of the world.
I’ve done the time. I’ve worked and lived in America and some more complicated (and wonderful) places outside of the United States. Life abroad does not mean that I am weak. I am not a “lesser executive” because my career has not been confined to North America.
Instead, my global experience means that I #ThinkDifferent.
And, yes, for the gluttons in the cheap seats — Africa, the Middle East, and Asia-Pacific are REAL markets. (Population 1 Billion, 578 Million, and 4,664,485,177) They are, in fact, rich, complicated, thriving markets. Delivering work for those audiences demanded that I learn multicultural storytelling on a massive scale across global regions.
I dare to believe that those markets are just as complex, fruitful, and, yes sophisticated, as North America.
No. I wasn’t on vacation. I was a successful entrepreneur creating multiple businesses, employing large teams of people, and collaborating with Fortune 100 clients.
And yet, it’s quite difficult to get an invite to the hiring feast.
New country — new rules.
I tried removing cities and countries from my CV because mentioning Kenya, Dubai, Egypt, and Singapore doesn’t “play well” with North American hiring managers. Apparently, I will “sprinkle” my actual whereabouts during the past 15 years of professional activity in a branded marketing strategy that conveys a tactical protocol expressing clear communication skills and attention to detail.
#iwasnowherebutiwaseverywhere
I tried removing all of the dates from my CV because my age was easy to guesstimate, and, at 50, I am “too old” for a role that requires 15 years of “senior” experience.
#youthfulseniorexperiencepreferred #millennialsareseniors
I’m proud of my journey. I have a lot to offer. But the future feels a bit bleak at times and I’m not sure how to summon the energy to continue to engage the current system as it gorges on the remaining morsels of my hope and courage .
I don’t mind running the maze and jumping some hoops. I understand the game and the rules have changed since 2020.
#noshirtsorskins
Friends and family remain enthusiastic and offer support telling me that I have “so much incredible experience.” I appreciate their enthusiasm and confidence; but I’m not sure that they understand the #LinkedIn society offering 500+ applicants for a single job post.
It’s difficult to savor my glorious, rich, expansive “a la carte” professional experience, allowing optimism to cleanse my palate when the daily recruiting menu offers 5-courses of cold, unseasoned queries garnished with total silence.
I do not understand how to dance in this “developed” world perfectly adorned with the delicious blend of experience, age, and font sizes to convince the Lords of the Employment Palace that I am worthy.
Dessert, anyone?
